Never Ever Feel Old

[Insomada]

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was
taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my
reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was
an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have
always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body,
the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken
aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my
mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving
family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become
more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own
friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my
bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks
so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to
be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too
soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4
AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful
tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a
lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging
body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite
the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just
as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not
break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when
somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what
give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken
is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray,
and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my
face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their
hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what
other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned
the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I
like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while
I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been,
or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single
day. (If I feel like it)