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Laong nila an taga Tago kuno para-away pero hanugay. Mamingawuni naman ganahani mandahap-dahap nan notisya. Naman ini na pabyon inhimo para kita na mga Tagon-on magkasinusihay, magka-binayluay nan mga gilaong, nan notisya, nan kaayuhan.
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 Post subject: Have a Good Laugh
Unread postPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 11:15 am 
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Neophyte
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Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:17 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Somewhere out there
Birthday: 18 Nov 1988
GRO sa Jaguar ni laag sa Paseo, Cebu ni join sa inum..
GRO: Ayaw mo aning beer dong kay ma WEST inyong life.
Tangero: Unsa??? Ma WEST, east?
GRO: Ma WEST ba, ma yabo..

McDonalds, JY Square, Lahug, Cebu City.
Girl: Hala wa jud ko kahibaw. Pero I think it was a blessing in the
sky. Wa jud ko kahibaw. Wa ko sultii ni Racquel.

While walking near Penshoppe (Lower Ground Floor, Ayala Center Cebu),
a sexy woman and her 8 year old daughter walked by and…
Mother: Oh, we still have to climb up because the outside is up there.
Daughter: Yes.

Brown Cup Coffee Shop, Asiatown I.T. Park, Lahug, Cebu City, 01 June
2007 12:53 P.M.
Guy 1: Bai, welcome to Cebu. Here to visit Daisy?
Guy 2: Ha ha! Shut up, pare. I was texting her kanina, teasing her
about her Boracay pics sa friendster niya. Tapos she replied na amaw
daw ako. Pare, what's amaw?
Guy 1: It means you are cool, charming.
Guy 2: Ah okay.

Mga bayot sa jeep gikan sa Ayala:
Bayot: Dai Angel, palihug ko sa pan kay gigutom ko. Kanang Red Ribbon
ha, Red Ribbon jud, ayaw nang GOLDENlocks.

C24, May 20 sa kadlawn.
Female 1: Kapoy na ko pangita ug uyab! Magmadre na lang kaha ko, no?
Musod na lang ko ug Carmelites!
Female 2: Di ka pwede didto uy!
Female 1: Ngano gud?
Female 2: Kasabaan nimo! Kinahanglan baya ka mutake ug vow of silency!

C24, Sunday, May 20, 2007, 3:00 am.
Sosy nga teenager, nagyaw-yaw.
Teenager: Asa man ta manglingkod oi nga daghan man kaayo ta? Unsa ato
seating arrangement? ALPHABETIC order!?

Watching an NBA game on Cable TV @ Nita's Eatery, Camp Lapu-Lapu,
Lahug, Cebu City.
Guy 1: Unsa nga team ang labaw?
Guy 2: Labaw na ang San Antonio Spurs ug seven seconds.

Outside Bo's Coffee, near Capitol, Cebu.
Girl on street: Ayala YOU?! Ayala sad ME!! Ayala ta together!!

I.T. firm, Asiatown I.T. Park, Lahug, Cebu City.
Guy: Nadawat na nimo ang load?
Lady: Wala pa jud. Kadali lang, i-refresh nako ako phone.
LAISHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OO!!!

R.O.T.C. formation, University of San Carlos Talamban Campus soccer field, circa 1996.
Squad Sergeant: I need TWO volunteers! You, you and you!

R.O.T.C. formation, University of San Carlos Talamban Campus soccer field, circa 1996.
Lieutenant: Be snappy, cadets! Tiger look! Pocket your smiles! And
wear your head gear from head to foot!

Ate nangasaba sa manghod:
Ate: Why must you act like such a brat?
Manghud: Ayaw kuno pagsalig nga maayo ka mu-english!
Ate: It's my prerogative.
Manghud: Ambot nimo! Get out of my eyes!

Pag ASEAN Summit
Guy 1: Good morning sir! Welcome to Cebu. Are you a delegate?
Guy 2: No. I'm from Alcoy.

PLDT Business Center, Mabolo, Cebu City
Customer Service: Sir, ok ra na sir. Wa ra'y problema imo incoming
calls bisan ug wala kay load sa imo phone.
Male Customer: Pero ang mga outcoming calls?

Loft Resto-bar, Asiatown I.T. Park, Lahug, Cebu City.
Guy 1: Tan-aw diay ka'g sine gahapon?
Guy 2: O, kuyog akong misis. Nan-aw mi ug "Ang Cute Ng Ina Mo".
Guy 1: Hehe, mao ba? Unya, okay ra man kaha?
Guy 2: Unsay okay gud?! Wala na lang gani ko mag-analyze sa storya
kay, sus, magsakit jud ang akong dughan!

Overheard from a high school classmate many, many years ago.
Classmate 1: Naa ju'y nindot kaau nga bag-ong release ang Ford noh.
Classmate 2: Asa ana ba?
Classmate 1: Kana gud pick-up truck nila nga bag-o gawas, kanang FISO.
Classmate 2: Hala bayot, F-150 na oi, dili na FISO.

Female: Sus! Kahibaw ka!? Nag-hubog si Mommy! Mura'g teenagers!
Himan: Mao bah? Ah daghan diay…

Colegiala inside passenger jeepney. Covering her mouth with a very
dainty hanky. She appears really sossy and sophisticated. Guy beside
her trying to start a conversation.
Guy: Taga-Sanjo (San Jose) ka miga?
Colegiala (irked, almost shouting): Of course ba?
(Nisiga ang mata sa passengers. Quiet chuckles ensued.)

Drinking session at Outpost, Lahug, Cebu City.
Guy: Kamo jud. Abi bati man ug nawong, inyo ra jud na siyang
binoangan. Wa mo kahibaw, inside beauty is just within.

Nadunggan sa jeep padung sa Bulua Westbound Terminal.
Foreigner: (Nangutana sa kauban nga baye pilay plete) How much?
Baye: 20 pesos only.
Foreigner: Ok…damn, these coins are getting heavy (kuot sa bulsa nga
puno ug sinsiyo).
Baye: You should get a small wallet and put all the left-overs inside.

Midterm exam sa statistics:
Classmate 1: (Pinahunghong) Bai, pila na kabuok ang piglet?
Classmate 2: Ha? Unsay pasabot nimo? Wa man gibutang sa problem.
Classmate 1: Mao gani, pero di ba ang triplet 3, ang twins duha, pila
man kabuok ang piglet?
Classmate 2: (Pugong ug katawa) Baktin man nang piglet bai.

Sa sulod sa sinehan nga nagsalida ug 300.
GIRL: Pila diay na sila kabuok?
GUY: Mga 50 siguro na sila.
GIRL: Graveh no? And millions jud ilang enemies.
GUY: Bitaw.

In a van from Mactan bound for Cebu City.
Foreigner: What is "mirisi"? What does that word mean?
Girl: Uhmm..it's kinda hard to explain…
Bisaya Dude: You know it's like this…it's like "I told you not to do
but you do. Look at now!"
Foreigner: I seeeeee. So, it's a whole sentence!

Sa jeep padung Ayala (overheard)
Girl1: Katraffic sad oi.
Girl2: Lagi. Ma-late na gyud ta ani.
Girl1: Hala! Magpa-picture pa man diay ta sa?
Girl2: Hala ka! Aw o. Asa man ta magpa-rush hour?

Waiting in line at a fast food restaurant.
Lady 1: Apply ko sa inyoha beh. Unya ikaw ako himuon reference.

Lady 2: Hala, unsaun man na nga wala man ta nagkauban ug work ever?
Dili man gani ta classmate pag-college!
Lady 1: Ingna lang gud nga friends ta sa friendster.

In a restaurant.
Lalake nga gainom ug kape, gitawag ang waitress.
Lalake: (Gatudlo sa iyang kape) Miss, naa ni'y refill?
Waitress: Refill?
Lalake: Refill sa coffee ba.
Waitress: Hala sir, sorry, brewed ra baya ni amo.

Starbucks Banawa (near Casa Rosita), 11:34 pm
Usa ka laki nagpa-kyut sa iyang kuyog.
Laki: Don't sit there. You should always besides me.

Somewhere in Gorordo…
Girl 1: Ayaw nalang uli To! Diri lang sa ta!
Toto: Kinahanglan nako muuli kay magtrabaho pa ko.
Girl 1: Diri lang diay ka magtrabaho, naa bitaw ka'y laptop.
Toto: Unya, internet?
Girl 1: Diri lagi! BOARDBAND dsl man ni sila!

2 Girls on the beach.
Girl 1: Hala Marie! Nindota'g lawas ato niya o!
Girl 2: Asa ba? Dali! Kuhaa tong stethoscope!

Two call center agents on lunch break.
Agent 1: Grabeh na man sad na sila mo-reprimand ug agent oi!
Agent 2: Lagi! Ipaagi pa jud sa laing tawo ang kasaba! Binata kaayo nga style!
Agent 1: Dili man ta mga kinder oi! If they need to tell us
something, there really is no need to beat around the BASH!

Call Center sa MEPZA, Mactan, Cebu.
Agent: Those are all the questions I have for you. Thank you for your
time and participation. Have a good-bye.

Sa Jones, usa ka gabii, may tulo ka laki.
Lider sa grupo: Maayong gabii, manaygon mi…
*Jing, jijing, jing, jing…*
Silang tulo: "Rudolph, the red-nosed ranger…"

Overheard at McDonald's, Jones Avenue, Cebu City.
Lady: `Ing, unsaon mani nako oi? Dili nako ka apas ani'g submit karong 3:00 PM!
Gay: It's not my problem anymore. It's your problem anymore.

"Kung gusto mo makapasar, pagtuon mo ug maayo! Naa ra na ninyo! It yours!"
- Instructor (gisapot kay gamay mig score), Advanced Math class

Nadunggan sa akong amiga sa iyang kauban nga manag-uyab samtang nanan-
aw sila ug Beowulf.
Babae: Ilaha lagi gibutangan ug cartoons noh?
Lalake: Dili na cartoons oi, 3G na.

Nov. 13, 2007. 6:30 PM.
Si Miss ug si Prince Charming nag-date sa usa ka barbekyuhan sa
Pusok, Lapu-Lapu City, Cebu.
Miss: Ngano ako ra man imo gi-imbita motan-aw og sine sa SM oi!?
Prince Charming: Basta lang gud…
Miss: Ay! Di lang ko kay kita ra man…sa Gaisano Mactan na lang.

"Daddy, asa ta simba? Ayala o SM?"
- Khyle, 4 years old

Nadunggan samtang nagsakay ug 06C nga jeep diha sa may Public
Library, Cebu City.
Tigowang (ni para): Carbon ni dong?
Driver (nagdali kay "No Stopping" area iya gihunungan): Dili, jeep ni!

Naligo mi ug dagat sa Talavera, Toledo.
Sa usa ka tindahan, naa'y nag istorya duha ka lalake.
Boy1: Kinsa kaha tong foreigner gabii bai noh? Mura'g American man to.
Boy2: Ay dili to American oi. Mura'g Britishan man to.
Boy1: Britishan diay to…

Sa jeep, duha ka bayot nag-istorya.
B1: Maglagot jud ko makigstorya nimo oy! OGOB kaayo!
B2: Unsa'y OGOB?
B1: Baliha oy.
B2: Unsa'y OBOG?

September 25, 2007. 11:30 AM.
At the school canteen:
Me: Te, usa ka chicken with rice…paa lang ako te ha.
Miga: Te, ako sad, mag chicken with rice. Nya, pun-i lang ug duha ka
siomai with wings.
Me: Ha?! Siomai with wings?
Miga: Ay sorry! Sorry te, na bulol ko. Chicken with wings ako and
rice nya duha ka siomai, te. That's all.

Nakakita mi'g dance troupe nga naay triplets nanayaw.
Guy1: Bai kita naka nila?
Guy2: Mura'g sila man na, kanang naa sa luyo.
Guy1: Hala o! Sila jud!
Guy2: Ang tulo ka twins! Ang tulo ka twins!

While me,my mom and my boyfriend were having lunch…
Mum: So dong, we were having this slideshow contest…blah…blah…
(telling my bf about the computer contest that she participated)
BF (Com-Sci Student): So tita, unsa'y computer language gi-gamit?
Java? Html?
Mum: No, english.

Samboan, Cebu.
Sa among ancestral house, naa'y gamay na altar. Unya niduol dayon ang 3-year-old boy na anak sa akong amiga.
Bata: (Sign of the Cross) In the name of the Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Mama Mary, Jesus, what are you doing here?

Naa mi sa gawas sa USC exit kay nangaligsan ug motor.
Friend: (Naghilak) Tawagi ako papa `day beh.
*Gihatag iyang cellphone ug akong gi-dial iyang papa*
Friend: Wala man nay load!

September 2007.
During our Physics class.
Classmate: Bay, pahulma ra gud ko sa imong jettic.
Ako: Jettic? Unsa na?
Classmate: Jettic bah, wala ka kaila'g jettic? Kana gud!
*Points at my G-Tech*
Ako: (Para dili siya malain) Ah, JETTIC! Dara oh.

"Ayaw na nang banda-banda dong oi kay wa'y SSS."
- Mama, nag-istorya sa iyang anak

"Love is sweetier the second time around."
- DJ, Energy FM, 1:00pm, 10/19/07

Nag-text-text mi sa akong classmate…
Classmate: Musta na ang mga buang dha? Pasalubong ha…
Ako: Ok lang man…nag-picture2 gud mi…enjoy au.
Classmate: Naa pa koy pics sa imong cp? I-upload beh kay i-crab nko
sa friendster…pati inyo mga pics ha, kay i-crab nko…ü

"Ma'am! Ponkan ma'am… seedless! Gamay ra'g liso!"
- Vendor, Hermag village, Mandaue City, 10:52 AM, Oct. 13, 2007

Sa Ayala Center, Oct. 10, 2007, 6:00 PM.
Nag-date ang Amerkano kuyog iyang uyab nga Bisaya. Order sila'g pagkaon…
Girl: Honey, I dare you to eat that! (nitudlo sa ginabot)
Amerkano: What's that?
Girl: That's what you call ginabot.
Amerkano: What's ginabot?
Girl (naglibog unsay english sa bituka): Uhm…that's the…oh yeah!
That's the interestine of the pig!

"Di jud na niya ipalaglag ang bata uy, wa gud nay sala. Unya in the long way run, ma-karma ra jud na siya."
- Caller, Dear Papa Joe, October 9, 2007, 3:00 PM

Sa among CE Lab, September 24, 2007, 11:30 AM.
Mag-klase na unta mi kay naabot na among sir. Natingala siya kay gamay lang mi.
Teacher: Oh! Where are the other mammals?!
Classmate: Sir! Nanglakaw na sila!
Teacher: Hah?! Where did they go?!?
Classmate: They went go home sir!

Tubod Flowing Waters, Minglanilla, Cebu
Guy: Ataya bai! Nasudlan ug swimming pool ako dunggan!

September 29, 2007.
3:00 PM diri sa France. 9:00 PM sa Philippines.
Nag-talk mi sa akong papa through Yahoo Messenger about sa course nga kuhaon sa akong manghud.
Ako: Pa, unsa may maayo nga kurso kuhaaon ni Arnel? Architect kaha noh kay hilig man niya?
Papa: Unsa kahay maayo `day Nursegiver? Kay 6 months raman kuno na nya larga dayon.

09F nga jeep.
Duha ka babaye, nakakita sa billboard sa Zaido.
B1: Ganahan jud ko ni Dennis.
B2: Ako sad.
B1: Tan-awa gud o…gwapo kaayo.
B2: Lagi, seducive jud.

Sa Waterfront. September 9, 2007. Gabii na.
Kauban1: Hey, did you text her already?
Kauban2: O, nya wa man jud siya mo tubag.
Kauban1: Really? She didn't reply, not even twice?

My mom, the doting grandma, was feeling a wee bit homesick while
talking to my 3-yr-old nephew on the phone.
Mom: Langga, gusto ka mo-uli na ko sa Cebu?
Khyle: Yes, Mommy!
Mom: Ngano man, baby? (fully expecting the kid to say "coz I miss you")
Khyle: Kay kapoy man tubag telepono!

Practice sa sayaw sa team Mighty Mayors para sa 107th Civil Service
Culminating Program.
Trainor: kinahanglan jud ta mag counting para sa last nga step
*nag linya na mga dancers*
Trainor: Ok! Five, Six, Seven, Et!

Akong gipakita ang anak sa among yaya (Ruby iyang name) sa daan na
nako nga book na daghan pictures sa animals. Ako gipa-identify niya
ang mga animals to see if kabalo ba gyud siya.
Ako: Unsa ni `day? (points at a snake)
Ruby: Bitin!
Ako: Kani? (points at a dog)
Ruby: Iro!
Ako: Kabalo lagi ka `day! Kani? (points at a cat)
Ruby: Iring!
Ako: Kani kuno beh? (points at a butterfly)
Ruby: Pugong!

Mandaue District Hospital.
UV nursing students with their CI talking…nag-lalis kung unsa'y
nindot nga TV station.
Student1: Nindot jud GMA oi kay kataw-anan jud!
Student2: ABS-CBN lagi mas nindot!
CI: In fairness lang sa GMA ha, nindot sila ug side effects…

Gikasab-an ko sa ako boss karon (September 18, 2007).
Boss: Why are you wearing jeans? I told you Friday we have clients
from overseas.
Mary Ann: I will go home and change.
Boss: No, you can't go home. You are too far!
Mary Ann: Okay, I will just take off my pants!

Mandaue City Health Center.
While attending a seminar as a requirement to get a marriage license…
Facilitator: Ok, mangutana sa ko ani nga question, usa nato sugdan
ang tanan. Ngano mosulod man mo sa kaminyuon?
Participant1: Kay amo mang ipakita among paghigugma-ay.
Facilitator: Unsa pa may laing rason ngano magminyo man gyud mo?
Participant2: Kay curious lang.

Sa Bohol.
Gipangutana sa ako mama ang usa ka bata:
Mama: Unsa'y eninglis sa kutsara?
Bata: Tinidor!
Mama: Kutsara man.
Tiyo (nitabang ug pinahunghung) : Spoon.
Bata: S…
Tiyo (pinahinay paglitok): S…p…oon.
Bata: Sip-on!

Reviewing the alphabet with my 3-year-old nephew one weekend:
Me: The letter "A" is for…?
K: (replying with enthusiasm) Apple!
Me: Very good! And "B" is for…?
K: Ball!
Me: And C is for…?
K: Uhm…(kalimot) .
Me: Sige clue. Unsa'y english sa miming?
K: Meow!!!

Sa usa ka office sa usa ka unibersidad sa Cebu. Naay gi-deliver nga grapes.
Gibutang ni Manong sa sawg kay naa pay gipaabot.
Passerby: Nong, boneless na noh?

_________________
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
~William Shakespeare, Mid-Summer Night's Dream, 1595


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