How do adopted children feel about being adopted?

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How do adopted children feel about being adopted?

Unread post by gingot »

(posted this piece @ my FB Notes ...).

I was watching QTv-11's replay of Sandra Aguinaldo's I-Witness documentary entitled: "Ampon" ...

The entirety of the program made me realize into something: How do adopted children feel about being adopted? In the docu, Sandra herself is an adopted daughter. She wouldn't know it until 1998 when she needed to get herself a passport that necessitates her to secure authentic birth certificate. She didn't have one because her birth was not registered. Only then she found out her real identity ... that she is an adopted child. Questions afloat of who the real Sandra Aguinaldo is.

For adopted children, as an individual ... their biologic make-up rooted the way on how they will feel and grow into a "normal" person. How do they feel about their natural parents? their adoptive parents? siblings?
I think all adoptees feel differently about having been adopted. No one can not nor can anyone know how any child will feel?
The typical human response to such a question is to place your heart where your hope is, which would be that adoption is not a win-win solution for anybody.

One may feel as if everything he is and was supposed to be was taken, shattered, then taped together all wrong and that he has to figure out how to make it work. He may feel as if he was just abandoned, as if no one even cared enough to keep him. And on top of that he lost everything: his heritage, being with people who look like him, and being with his family.

I thnk REALITY really bites!
Once a child is relinquished, his fate is up to others. Entirely up to others: and that is to the adopting parents. But no longer up to anybody. Could be wonderful. Could be terrible. It is true that someone in a position to adopt can give more opportunities, more attention, and more focus. But can they give them more love than the natural parents? What if their love is toxic? What if the attention is a burden? What if the focus is really on parent joy and not on the child's needs?
All the opportunity in the world does not always equal happiness...

So I have no real answers for now, because that would be ingenuous to tell that I know anyone else's truth. But I can tell by the question(s) I'm having now will never go away. The uncertainty will never go away.

What I would say to ANY parent facing this choice (putting up a child for adoption): Don't do it. You can get help. You can always find help. It is hard, but this child needs you. You are all this child knows. While it may be more convenient for you to give up this child, it isn't what is best. Can you imagine what message this sends your other children? Can you imagine what your child will feel when they grow up and inevitably search for you and find that you kept the other 1 or2 children, but gave this one up? That is going to damage the children. So very, very much.
If you feel you don't have the attention or focus, either give them all up, or none. It isn't fair to pick one to give up. They all deserve you, and you them.

I've been teaching Maladpative Disorders (known as Psychiatric Nursing during my time) for quite sometime.
Before going to the chronic disorders, i had to tell/discuss to the class the criteria of mental well-being of an individual e.g. satisfying interpersonal relationship, effective behavior & coping, positive self-concept and emotional stability. However, there are factors that influences one's mental well being ... in order for a person to meet such criteria ... I should say, there would be interaction of individual/personal, interpersonal and social factors in order for a person to be of sound health.
> self-esteem
> capacity for growth
> vitality
> abitlity to find meaning in life
> sense of belongingness/ sense of community
> reality orientation
> coping/stress management abilities
> support of adversity among people
> positive yet realistic view of one's world
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"growing old is mandatory, growing-up is optional."

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