Sari-saring Gitik-gitik

[lay-ob]

Filipino in a French Aircraft

Filipino: Is there a comfort room here?
Stewardess: Wi! Wi!
Filipino: No! U! U!


Pay for your own...

A man ordered bottles beers for himself.
Man: If I drink, everybody DRINK!!
People in the bar rejoiced and get themselves many bottles of beers...
The man went to the cashier and shouted again...
Man: If I pay, everybody PAY!!


Pizzeria

While in a pizzeria.
Erap : What are your specialties?
Waiter : Sir, we serve all kinds of pizza.
Erap : Talaga, bigyan mo nga ako ng Shakey's !!


Maraw

KNOW the movie "MULAN?"
Part four na yon!
First episode nun "MULOG," then "MIDLAT,"
Tapos "MAMBON," saka pa lang "MULAN"
Coming soon na ang "MAGYO,"
Next ang "MAHA," finally "MARAW".

Pusa

Anak: Dear Itay, padalhan mo ako ng pera kasi ang mga
damit ko pinagkakain ng mga daga.
Tatay: Dear Anak, wala akong pera. Kung gusto mo, meron dito pusa.

Asukal

Isang babae bumili ng asukal. Inabot ng tindera,
pero sabi ng babae, "Miss, asin itong binigay mo
sa akin." Hindi, asukal yan. Minarkahan lang
naming"Asin" para hindi langgamin.

Ngongo dictionary:

CATTLE - dun nakatira ang printeta at printipe
MELT - yun ang sinusuot sa mewang
EFFORT - dun nag-la-land ang efflane
STATUE - ikaw ba yan?
ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at
Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pag kumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun.
Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer
yon!!


Canadian

Maganda daw mapangasawa CANADIAN, kasi
pwede mong sabihin:
Maglaba CANADIAN!
Magsaing CANADIAN!
Hubad CANADIAN!
Tuwad CANADIAN!
Ano, okay CANADIAN?


M'AM: Inday, sa susunod, ayokong pinakikialaman
mo ang condom namin ng Sir mo!
INDAY: M'am, hwag kayong magbibintang! Di kami
sanay ni Sir gumamit niyan! Sobra kayo!

MRS: Lolokohin ko mister ko. Magpapanggap
akong pick-up girl ako. Pagkita kay Mister: Hi Pogi!
AVAILABLE ako ngayon....
MR: Ayoko sa yo!! Kamukha mo misis ko!!

SABI nila nauubos na raw ang mga puno, isda at
ibon sa mundo. Ang masakit pa rito ay dahan-
dahan daw namamatay ang mga unggoy. Kaya
naalala agad kita...ingat ka ha?


MR: Doc, duwag ako magpabunot ng ngipin.
DR: No problem, eto whiskey, uminom ka!
(Mister, uminom ng whiskey)
DR: O, matapang ka na ba?
MR: Oo Doc, pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko
gugulpihin ko!


WHEN I was lost you were there,
When I was down you were there.
When I was heartbroken you were there.
When I got really sick you were there.
ABA, hindi kaya ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko?

Anong saging ang mataba? SABA
Anong saging ang maliit? SENYORITA
Yung sinusubo pati balat?.. T? sirit na?
Esep..esep..!
Ano pa eh di TURON!!! Huwag esep sama!

Ini kumon-
Old Chinese in death bed:
"Akyen junior 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen panganay 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen dawter 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen asawa 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito din po!"
"Walahiya! Dito kayo lahat! Wala tao tindahan!"


Pulis: Bayad ko sa kape, o.
Chinese: Aba, bakit ka bayad?
Pulis: Utos ni Chief, wala nang kotong.
Chinese: Aba sige, simula ngayon hindi na ako
dura sa kape mo.


Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko
lang ang inasahan ko hindi sana mangyayari yan!


Man: Doc, help me uminom ako ng baygon
Doc: Bakit, magsusuicide ka?
Man: Hindi. Nakalunok kasi ako ng buhay na ipis.
Doc: Tanga! Dapat kumain ka na lang ng tsinelas.


WIFE: Hudas ka! Lagi kang umuuwing lasing.
Naaasar na tuloy ako sa mukha mo.
HUSBAND: Pero mahal, kung hindi ako lasing, ako
naman ang maaasar sa mukha mo!


Wife: Pag may problema ko, kahit gaano kabigat,
nawawala kapag nakikita ko ang picture mo.
Husband: Sabi ko na nga ba talagang mahal na
mahal mo ko.
Wife: Tinitingnan ko lang ang picture mo tapos
sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na WALA NG PROBLEMA
NA MAS HIHIGIT PA DITO.

[yoshisushi]

ay ay lamang si mana lay-ob kabibohirs mo. minsakit sa an ako tiyan abay katawa. i-treat ta kaw galing kay bagan madayaw adton katawa ko mingamaygamay an bil-bilaytis ko hehehe. Hi Mana, kumusta na kaw?
Ako mohalin pa sa....damo na lang an panghitabo, tabatsoi pa gihapon.
Take care Mana amo?

Regards!

[lay-ob]

DETECTIVE CHEN LEE!!!

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while
he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:

MOS HONOLABLE SIL:

YO LEV YO HAWS
I WATS YO HAWS
HE COM TO YO HAWS. I WATS
HE AN SE LEV YO HAWS. I FALO.
HE AN SE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TLEE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KIS SE. SE KIS HE.
HE STLIP SE. SE STLIP HE.
HE PLE WIT SE. SE PLE WIT HE.
I PLE WIT ME. I FOL OUT OF TLEE.
I NO SEE.
NO FEE.

CHEN LEE.
SOLLEE.

[lay-ob]

A husband is at home watching a basketball game when his wife interrupts. "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well, then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." He replied "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says. "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break." "I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps," he says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!" So he goes to Padi's Point and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home and help out. As he walks to the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer he notices the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey, how'd all this get fixed?"

She says, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake." : : He says "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replies, "Hellooooooo! ... do you see Goldilock's written on my forehead?"

[lay-ob]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack assess, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of your?" "YEP", the wife replied, "in-laws."


A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got the ticket, it said nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, "Mama, they made a song in America just for me." "How does it go, mijo?" "It goes Jose can you see


A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies I'm sorry, we don't do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied, "How did you know I was blonde"? The clerk says, "Because that's a microwave, not a T.V." Uno karneha Butarhak ....


Itlog og iti:
anak: mama mama dili nako mokaun og itlog kay manimaho ko og iti ingon atong silingan
mama: motoo man ka nila na botbot mana
anak: tinood no na mama
mama: so og mukaon ka og itlog manimaho ka og iti,so kaon nalang iti para maniho ka og itlog


Bisaya to english:
PEDRO;bay Juan,onsay english sa IRO nga naligsan?
JUAN: IRO nga naligsan?kowan bay,DOG-MOK
PEDRO:sa iring nga naligsan bay?
JUAN:CAT-TAG
PEDRO:sa baboy nga naligsan unsa man sad?
JUAN:e di PIG-SAT


GINAMOS:
Nay lalaking gi gutom og usa ka peso ra ang iyang kwarta.Busa nangita sya og baratong pagkaon nga mapalit sa peso.Og naka kita sa ya og tindahan namaligya og ginamos
Lalaki-Nang,tagpila mana ang imong ginamos?
Tindira-lahi lahi man ni sila og presyo dong.And GINAMAY kay tag 5.00pesos.Og ang GIPUSIL kay tag 3.00pesos og ang GITU-OK KAY TAG 1.00PESO.
Lalaki-nang,unsa mana ang ginamay?
Tindira-Ginamos na may kamay
Lalaki-Unsa man sad ang gipusil?
Tindira-Ginamos gipos-an og sili
lalaki-Unsa man sad na ang GITU-OK?
Tindira-Ginamos nga gitong-tongan og ok-ok


Balintong:
usa ka adlaw may namaligya ug isda...
tindero: ohhh isda mo dira isda... ohhh isda mo dira isda...
jaypee: unsa na inyong isda noy...tagpila na sya...
tindero: balintong dong... balintong ka dong P30.00
jaypee: buang ka...ikaw daw balintong tagaan ta ka ug P50.00..


Daghang pangutana
papa: dong, paliti kog softdrinks
anak:unsa man pa, coke or sprite?
papa:coke
anak?litro or 8oz?
papa:8 oz
anak:diet or regular?
papa: ah leche! tubig nalang!
anak: Mineral or Purified????
papa: aaaaaaHH!bwissssiiit ka!
anak: Viva or Nature's Spring??


ANG MUSLIM:
MAY ISA MUSLIM ANG MILABAY SA SIMBAHAN SA KATOLIKO NGA NAGMISA ANG PARI.NAMINAW ANG MUSLIM GIUNSA PAGMISA SA PARI SA KATOLIKO.
PARI: ANG GINOO MAANAA KANINYO
MGA TAWO: MAANAA USAB KANIMO
MUSLIM : NABUANG NA ANG KATOLIKO ILANG GINOO ILANG GIPASAPASA.


Spelling:
Teacher:Class kinsa sa inyo ang kamoa magspell ng COBRA??
Juan:ako maam...
Teacher:ok juan spell COBRA
Juan:C-O-B-R-A
Teacher:Kung kuhaon nimo ang C-O unsa na word ang mahabilin?
juan:BRA maam
Teacher:Kung kuhaon nimo ang BRA unsa manpod ang mahabilin?
juan: totoy...maam.

[Guest]

Lay-o ini ako idukang, medyo mataas:

AT & T

An Tagalog na tourista, decided to stay in the US when his visa expired and stayed with his cousin. One day the cousin asked the tourist, to take his car to a gas station and fill the tank. He refused first, saying people might recognize me, na akoy T and T. His cousin reassured him nobody will ask you as long as you don't talk to anybody. But just in case something happen here's .10 cents for a phone call.

He arrived at the Gas Station and picked the Self Service pump. He noticed the gas station attendant yelling at him "Pay first before pumping", he turned around and said: Aba bakit alam ng mama na wala akong papeles. The gas station tap his shoulder, and said pay first before pumping. Ay! salamat pera muna bago magpump ng gas lang pala. While he was pumping, a car pulled up behind him, when he turn around the Police Officer started talking to him; are you done?
He got worried right away; Aba alam siguro ng pulis na ito na wala akong papeles bakit alam niya ang pangalan ko si "Don". When the gas tank filled, he ran to the nearest phone booth to call his cousin, drop the $.10 pick up the phone, he started crying when he heard the automated voice "WELCOME TO AT & T. Went back to the police officer, raising his hand crying I surrender Mr. Police, even the telephone company knows that I am Tago nga Tago. .

[lay-ob]

HAHAHA Balitaw inin kinabuhi nan mag T N T , mangatawa lang taraw kita, pero, kon kitay sa ila puder .... dili kay isab haw masayon ... sigi lang, kay kanya-kanya sa kitan linya ... pero kataw-anan gayud, dyok dyok lang ....

Dugan pa Guest, basin aton pay imo tinaguan nay ....

[Guest]

Sometimes, it feels good to laugh at yourself. This is for Cordaps and Lay-ob and those who wants to feel like us

TELL ME CORDAPS "THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN TO US"


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said,"Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old (Manding) draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old (Siako) yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down? "The 92 year old (Baranggudan) is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the
second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's
have a beer."

LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
”Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at
him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally
answered, "I'll take the soup."

[Guest]

Sometimes, it feels good to laugh at yourself. This is for Cordaps and Lay-ob and those who wants to feel like us

TELL ME CORDAPS "THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN TO US"


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said,"Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old (Manding) draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old (Siako) yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down? "The 92 year old (Baranggudan) is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the
second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's
have a beer."

LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
”Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at
him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally
answered, "I'll take the soup."

HALA CORDAPS .... IT HAPPENED TO ME .... YAHIKALIMOT AKO PAG-LOG-IN .... IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU PAKADYAW NGATON .... :lol:


LAY-OB

[lay-ob]

Sometimes, it feels good to laugh at yourself. This is for Cordaps and Lay-ob and those who wants to feel like us

TELL ME CORDAPS "THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN TO US"


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said,"Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old (Manding) draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old (Siako) yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down? "The 92 year old (Baranggudan) is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the
second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's
have a beer."

LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
”Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at
him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally
answered, "I'll take the soup."

HALA KA CORDAPS .... IT HAPPENED TO ME .... YAHIKALIMOT AKO PAG-LOG-IN .... IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU PAKADYAW NGATON .... :lol:


LAY-OB

INI TINO-YUAN NA GAYUD INI Di ko palabot

[pispanero]

A husband is at home watching a basketball game when his wife interrupts. "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well, then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." He replied "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says. "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break." "I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps," he says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!" So he goes to Padi's Point and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home and help out. As he walks to the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer he notices the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey, how'd all this get fixed?"

She says, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake." : : He says "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replies, "Hellooooooo! ... do you see Goldilock's written on my forehead?"

hahahahaha. kabawos isab siya.

[lay-ob]

A husband is at home watching a basketball game when his wife interrupts. "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well, then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." He replied "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says. "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break." "I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps," he says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!" So he goes to Padi's Point and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home and help out. As he walks to the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer he notices the fridge door is fixed.

"Honey, how'd all this get fixed?"

She says, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake." : : He says "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replies, "Hellooooooo! ... do you see Goldilock's written on my forehead?"

hahahahaha. kabawos isab siya.

Hano, di pa kaw ... Pisp, magtimaan kaw gayud nan ini kay magminyo sa kaw gayud, di ba Kamo isab Butigs, Ranz, Bon, Borag, sino pa anhin iban nganhi... ay na basta kamo tanan mga utaw nganhi. "Bawos-bawos Sano"....

[pispanero]

kadilikado baya nan iton. na hala, praktisan ko da an ako mauyab pag bake nan cake. hehehehehehehehe :lol:

[lay-ob]

kadilikado baya nan iton. na hala, praktisan ko da an ako mauyab pag bake nan cake. hehehehehehehehe :lol:

[lay-ob]

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE . . .

Isang umaga , bago magmisa si Padre Lucio, nilagay niya sa supot ang mga binili niyang mga itlog para sa donasyon niya sa mga mahihirap. Ngunit sa kanyang pagmamadali, nakalimutan niya ang supot sa isang mesa at ng kanyang binalikan ay wala na ito.

Kaya sa kanyang sermon ay nagtanong siya..."Meron ba sa inyong may itlog?" Lahat ng lalaki sa simbahan ay nagtayuan... "Hindi! Hindi! Ang ibig kong sabihin, may nakakita ba ng itlog?" Lahat ng babae sa simbahan ay nagtayuan... "Hindi! Hindi! Ang ibig kong sabihin, may nakakita bang itlog ko?" Lahat ng madre sa simbahan ay nagtayuan.

Nagpa-blood test si Tulume. Kumuha ng sample ang nars. Pagkatapos,walang makitang bulak ang nars sinipsip ng nars ang daliri ni Tulume. Naligayahan si Tulume kaya sinabihan niya ang nars, "Magpapa-urine test din ako."

Bumisita si GMA sa Mental Hospital at kinausap ang isang pasyente. GMA: Kilala mo ba ako? Ako ang Presidente. PASYENTE: Naku ale, ng una akong pumasok dito ganyan din ang sinasabi ko. Pero wag kang mag alala, mahuhusay ang mga doktor dito, gagaling ka rin.

Balete Drive Story

There was this guy named MARK. One night, he was walking all alone sa Balete Drive (eh di ba, that road is infamous for having ghosts daw, white ladies and stuff??) Tapos sobrang dilim ng paligid, walang katao-tao...tapos habang naglalakad siya, may narinig siyang tumawag sa name niya... "MARK! MARK! MARK!" Lumingon siya, pero, WALANG TAO!!! Binilisan niya yung lakad, tapos may tumatawag pa rin sa kanya!!! "MARK! MARK! MARK!" Lumingon siya pero WALA PA RIN!!! Tumakbo na siya pero hinahabol pa rin siya talaga ng boses! "MARK! MARK! MARK!"
When he got to the corner of Balete Drive and E. Rodriguez he saw a large sign, and written on it, in LARGE BOLD LETTERS... "BEWARE... NGONGONG ASO"

Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?
Erap: Tanga, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.
Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang si Tirso Cruz III ay pangatlo na sa mga Tirso Cruz?
Erap: Tanga, pang 5 na siya kaya nga PIP ang palayaw nya.


Sexy woman nagkukumpisal sa simbahan

Sexy : Those are all my sins, Father. I hope God will forgive me.
Priest : He does, my child. Pero ikwento mo nga uli yung tungkol sa blow job at 69.


Nagkita ang pari at madre sa isang seminar

Pari : Ano ang apelyido mo, Sister?
Madre : Hulaan mo, hinahawakan mo gabi-gabi.
Pari : Titi ?!!
Madre : Susmaryosep! Rosario po ang apelyido ko!


YESTERDAY NEWS: A nun jogging in the park was raped.
TODAY'S NEWS: Hundreds of nuns are jogging in that park.

A young girl confesses, "Forgive me father, for i have sinned. The priest says, "Confess your sins now and be forgiven." "The other night, my boyfriend made passionate love to me eight times." The priest paused for a while, then said, "Take eight lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Through this, will my sin be forgiven?" "No, but it will surely remove that smile from your face."

Man 1: Pare, ano ang ikinamatay mo?
Man 2: Inatake ako sa puso. Akala ko kasi, nagtataksil ang misis ko kaya bigla akong umuwi, at nadatnan kong hubad siya. Naghanap ako sa buong bahayan, pero wala akong nakita. Sa pagsisisi ko at sama ng loob, ako'y inatake sa puso. Ikaw pare, ano ang kanamatay mo?
Man 1: Namatay ako sa lamig.
Man 2: Ano? Bakit naman?
Man 1: Bigla kasing umuwi ang aking kumpare at nagtago ako sa refrigerator. Kung binuksan mo sana ang ref, malamang pareho pa tayong buhay ngayon!


A camel and an elephant met. The elephant asked the camel "Why do you have your breasts on your back?" The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies, "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!"

Jose: Birthday ng asawa ko.
Juan: Ano ang regalo mo sa kanya?
Jose: Tinanong ko kung anong gusto niya.
Juan: Anong sinabi?
Jose: Kahit ano raw, basta may DIAMOND.
Juan: So, anong binigay mo?
Jose: BARAHA!

An Interview....

A family researcher: sir, sino pong decision maker sa inyong tahanan?
Husband: dear, sino raw ang naagdedesisyon dito sa bahay?
Wife: eh, di siempre ikaw.
Husband: ako raw po, sabi ni misis.
Now, I believe....

Joe: my wife got me to believe in religion.
Max: really?
Joe: yeah, until i married her, i didn't believe in hell.

Second Opinion:

Psychiatrist: you're going crazy.
Patient: i want a second opinion.
Psychiatrist: and you're also ugly.

A High I.Q......

Son: where did all my intelligence come from?
Dad: well son, maybe from your mother because i still have mine.

Does Not Matter...

Girl (crying)... huhuhu..kaya mo lang pala ako pakakasalan dahil sa mamanahin kong kayamanan sa tatay ko. Boy: hindi, darling. Pakakasalan naman kita kahit hindi sa tatay mo nanggaling ang kayamanan.

Bagong Organization...

U.H.A.W....union of husbands afraid of wives.

True Bravery is...

when you arrive home late after a boys' night out and you are met by your wife waiting with a broom.

you ask: are you still cleaning?